Complaining

I come to realize that complaining is a powerful tool to gain empathy and it is always nice to see our loved ones offering their concerns and support to help make our situation better. However, we should be careful in using this tool because it can be a double edged sword, it can suck us down in a downwards spiral. The more we complain, the more negative we can get, the more we feel sorry for ourselves, the more we magnify our problem and the more we feel our life is so miserable. What starts off as a small issue can slowly escalate into the the biggest "crisis" we ever face.

There is a difference between complaining and trying to solve an issue. We all face issues in life, no matter at which stage of our lives, that is part and parcel of this journey. If we approach a problem with a positive mindset of wanting to solve it and discussing our loved ones to find a solution, then I think we will eventually get this problem solved. However, if we start to let the problem define us ("my life is so miserable because of this issue") and we are focusing on how the problem affect us ("because of this issue, I cannot do this and that"), then we are building a negative mist around us and the only way we are going is down.

I am not against people complaining about their issues in life, I think it is human nature to do so, I have in fact complained about many issues I face to my friends and family members, all my life. However, the important point to note is not to get carried away, dwell on the negativity and let the issue define and destroy you, via complaining. Focus on the solution, not the issue, and always stay positive, cheers smile emoticon

Sleeping Well Every Night Is A Blessing

Last night as I lay on my bed about to fall asleep, I am reminded just how fortunate I am to be in that position; a nice comfortable bed, a clean environment and most importantly the ability to fall asleep.

Disregarding the international context where we compare ourselves with people living in 3rd world countries, there are people in Singapore sleeping without mattress and there are a lot more who simply couldn't sleep, due to insonmia issues.

If you are able to sleep well every night, I believe we are all lucky ones and with this gratitude, we are also the happy ones smile emoticon

Sending this msg to chase your Monday blues away, have a fantastic week ahead, dear friends !

"Just when you thought your world was over..."

To friends who are facing issues in life or at your lowest point, I want to share this inspirational quote with you.

Under the facade of happy pictures posted on social media, there are many facing real life issues which they are not comfortable to share with anyone. Some of these issues could be social stigma which made it more difficult to confide in anyone. Some people could experience sadness, loneliness or losing directions and meaning in life.

If you are not facing any issues and are very contented with life, I am very happy for you. If you are facing issues and possibly at your lowest point, I hope this message brings some encouragement to you, and may this encouragement grow into strength and courage for you. Keep the faith that things will change for the better and there is light at the end of the tunnel. When the ball hits the ground (lowest point), the only way it can go is higher and higher after that.

This is my simple act of kindness to you. If you think this is meaningful, pls post something inspirational for your friends too. While we may not be able to show concern directly as we don't know what they have been through, our message will bring some comfort and hope to them. Let's help to spread more positive energy around, be it on cyberspace of in real life.

Here comes my motherhood statement, "With love and kindness, we can make the world a better place", cheers smile emoticon

Charity & Risk

Dear Friends,

I have always wanted to write about this topic but due to it's sensitive nature, I procrastinated for quite a while. I thought it is timely for me to share now, especially when we have helped to publicize for a few fundraising/ crowdsourcing campaigns lately.

Firstly, I am deeply honored and grateful for all the trust you have given me, in all the initiatives shared on P2P, it is evident from the wonderful response you gave. With this great amount of trust comes big responsibilities, I know I owe it to all our members to ensure that all these campaigns are genuine and that donations/ sponsorship are really going to those in need. My worst nightmare is to have people losing confidence in giving kindness due to one unhappy experience happening in P2P, the very place we encourage giving love and kindness.

I list 3 areas which could contain some risk when giving and I shall explain them one by one.

1. Donation of Preloved Items (local or overseas)
I have friends asking me if the beneficiaries are really in need and not reselling the items. I based my assessment on a few guidelines when reaching out to families in need:

- Is beneficiary living in a rental flat?
- Is beneficiary getting any assistance from Comcare/ social support group?
- Family background of beneficiary, single parenthood? Low income family with many children? Elderly with no kins and are unable to work?
- Why are they unable to afford all these items?

For friends who have asked for support to collect preloved items for underprivileged children/ adults overseas, I would try to find out more on their cause, their past experience and the people they are reaching out to. Basically, I will keep asking until I am convinced of what they are doing. Thereafter, I will think through on how to put the message across to our potential donors. As this concerns donation of used items that donors may not need anymore, I feel we can manage the risk well.

2. Sponsorship of Groceries/ Gifts/ newly purchased items to Charity Events

This is an area where sponsors buy new items to support charity events whereby these items will be given to the disadvantaged groups that the event is reaching out to. For most of the volunteer leaders whom I have helped to publicise for their events, I have known them for quite a while, seen all the good work they have done and trust their integrity in ensuring every cent is used for charity purpose. Also, the charity event often calls for volunteer support, donors can witness for themselves that the groceries/ gifts are being distributed to the beneficiaries. Therefore, I think we can manage the risk in this area of giving too.

3. Fundraising/ Crowdsourcing for Families with Great Financial Difficulty

This has to be the type of initiative which face the most scrutiny, especially on the intent, transparency and accountability. Just to share, I started P2P group in early 2014 and till now (late 2015), I have never allowed a single cent to be transferred to or through my personal bank account to the intended recipient. There are many friends who told me that they trusted me and wanted to transfer to me first and for me to consolidate before passing to the organizer. I have always politely declined this arrangement because I wish to remain as neutral as I can. Before sharing any fundraising campaign, I spent a considerable amount of time checking with the fundraiser to understand the objective of the fundraising, explore whether there are other ways to help besides seeking donation from public, before we finally conclude that that is the only way to go. I always try to be cautious but yet not jumping to the other extreme end of being paranoid, else we lose the whole purpose of giving, when we over-question the intent. However, I will not share any initiative for sake of sharing, if I am not totally convinced of their cause. For every initiative which I helped campaign for, my name is usually the first on the donor/ pledge list. If we (touch wood) get cheated, I will be get cheated together with you.

I know that despite the above measures, nothing is foolproof. I sometimes wonder what is going to happen when shit really happens. However, dwelling on the "worst case scenario" is counter-productive and we may miss out on many opportunities to reach to those who are really in need. In the end, I always tell myself this, our intention to help a fellow human being is pure and our conscience is clear, whatever happens in the event of a scam is never the fault of ours. We may learn a painful lesson and get bruised but we should always be proud of our spirit of giving, it is a blessing that makes our world brighter and brings more hope to humanity. Because of that, we should never extinguish this light that is inside every one of us. Thank you for being in good smile emoticon

Give the Gift Of Hearing

Dear Friends,

I wish to share with you the story of my friend's niece, Baby Jeralyn, who was born with hearing impaired on both sides of her ears. It was left unnoticed until she was much older, when she couldn’t speak like a normal child of her age and shouted extremely loud whenever she needed attention from the adults at home. She was brought to see an ENT specialist and diagnosed with bilateral profound hearing loss, the recommended treatment is cochlear implant surgeries on both ears and the estimated surgery cost was RM200,000 (excluding any scan and tests, pre and post-surgery). As the condition was congenital, her parents are unable to claim the surgery cost from any medical insurance.

Despite all the financial challenges, the doctor had advised for the surgery to be done soonest possible (in Nov 15) as the delay in speech does not only affect her future learning, but would also lead to the disability to talk, and she will need to adopt sign language as a way of communication if this has become a habit.

The surgery cost of RM200,000 (or SGD66,000) is definitely too much to bear for a normal income working family like Baby Jeralyn's parents. However, if we have many people coming forward to help them, using the divide and conquer strategy, then it may not be such a big amount after all. E.g. P2P has 7,000 members now and each member just help to donate $2 each, we would have gathered $14,000 or 20% of the total cost. This is the impact of the multiplier effect, we can do more if everyone come forward to contribute a small amount each.

I appeal to all our kind friends here to give a small amount (an amount within ur means) and pool together our efforts to give this precious gift of hearing to a young child, who has yet to hear a single sound in her life. I may be giving up on a trip to my favorite restaurant for this month but it is okay, because what I am giving up on for one month can translate into a lifetime of opportunities for Baby Jeralyn when she regains her hearing. The future will be bright for her if we come together to help her.

I once asked a friend, who is a very active volunteer, why she is so enthusiastic in helping others. She told me that years ago when she was broke, people around her helped her, donated her furniture and it is now time for her to pay the kindness forward. The people we helped today are not going to be needy forever, someday they are going to stand on their feet and pass the kindness forward. Who knows, we or our loved ones may be on the receiving end of it smile emoticon

Friends, if you can join me to make a pledge to make a difference, pls leave a comment in this post. Your contribution, no matter the amount (even $1), is your biggest encouragement and gift to Baby Jeralyn and her parents. Every dollar received is one dollar closer to the target.

I start the ball rolling with my humble contribution:

Pledge List:
1. Jason - $20
2. Myrna - $10
3. Xinlei - $20
4. VJ - $5
5. Sonie - $11
6. Vivian Yap - $10
7. Geri Yoong - $50
8. Jenny Tan - $20
9. Gwendolen Lim - $50
10. Malvin Chiang - $10
11. Shin - $50
12. Betty Lau - $20
13. Cecilia Ang - $50
14. 秀玲梓瑄 - $20
15. Agnes Loh - $10
16. Chitra Cyn - $30
17. Siti - $20
18. Chriss Tan - $20
19. Wen Xiang - $20
20. Cindy See/ Jaden Tong - $10
21. Vivian Cheah - $20
22. Raymond Ho - $50
23. Dovan Ong - $50
24. Jo Lum - $10
25. FH Chan - $20
26. Josephine Tang - $20
27. Joyce Tan - $20
28. Feby - $20
29. Shi-ann - $100
30. Jasmine Tham - $50
31. Trixia Chua - $50
32. Albert Poh - $50
33. Miluna - $50
34. Ellie - $50
35. ML Lew - $50
36. Ignatius Ong - $100
37. Sandra Yeoz - $20
38. Chitra Cyn - $30
39. Jin Yeo - $20
40. Sharon Leong - $20
41. Vicknes - $25
42. Jo An - $20
43. Elsie - $20
44. Lijuan - $20
45. Anonymous G - $20
46. Sandy Lee - $100

Total amount: $1461

The account number to transfer to is:

Bank: DBS Singapore
Account Type: DBS Current Account
Account Number: 163-000252-8
Account Name: Chee Geik Kooi

Rest assured that all donation will managed in the most transparent way. Should you have any queries, pls feel free to ask as well.

Thank you all very much for your love and kindness !

More info at:
https://www.facebook.com/FundRaisingForBabyJeralyn

Happy 2nd Birthday, P.A.R.K !

A few friends asked me recently what do P.A.R.K. and P2P stand for and why I started this project 2 years ago. I wrote the b/m article one year ago when PARK turned 1 year old to share why I am doing this and what I hope to achieve:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1437902803105381/permalink/1542927539269573/

Some pointers that I would like to add on:

I started PARK also because I see a lot of negativity on cyberspace. The Internet boom makes us all connected on the virtual space and without a physical presence, people become bolder and use their words/ texts to hurt people, incite hate and spread anger. The amount of damage we dealt to a fellow human being is equally as much, be it on cyberspace or in real life.

There is another group of people who use the Internet to shame unkind behaviors, showing how unkind fellow Singaporeans can be in not giving up their seats and being inconsiderate in public places. I do not believe in dealing negativity with negativity. I think only love, tolerance and respect can heal all the sufferings, hurt and hate in this world. Therefore, why not show people the right thing to do, rather than condemn them on doing wrong things. There is a lot of healing energy in giving love & kindness and being positive; on the other hand, I don't think people ever feel happy by being negative (angry, sad, hurt, demoralized).

I think everyone has a part to play in creating a better world for all of us. If we think that this is the job of the government, the welfare organizations or some religious leaders, then we may need to re-think again. The ordinary folks like you and me, when we come together and give a little each, can achieve extraordinary results, through our collective efforts. We have proved this many times with the amazing support for the initiatives shared here in our group. This is really what we should do, help one another (within our means), so that no one gets left behind. I feel that this is our moral responsibiliy to the society/ community we live in.

The future holds many new challenges that you and I cannot predict for our children and their children. However, if we teach them kindness and encourage them to help and support one another, we can be rest assured that no matter what challenges they face, they will overcome it together. We cannot be there for them forever but we can pass on the knowledge and wisdom for them to help themselves in the future.

Lastly, the things we do today, be it in real life or cyberspace, have an impact on the people around us, esp. on our children, who are learning as they grow. If we continue to spread hate and anger, then I am sure the world will be a messier place 50 years from now. If we can spread love and kindness (at least within our circle of influence), we can make the world a better place, for us and for our future generation. I urge everyone to consider the words you say and the actions you do today, for it will have a repercussion effect on fate of tomorrow. If you cannot be kind, at least don't hurt others. If you ask me, my philosophy is always "Be kind, be positive, be happy"

Happy 2 years Anniversary to P.A.R.K. and happy 2 years of friendship to all my friends in this amazing journey, cheers smile emoticon

Well Done, My Dear Friend

I am very proud of my friend, Mahita Vas, for starting this initiative. This is another fine example how an ordinary person can do something within his/ her own capacity to make life better, happier and in this case healthier for others, regardless of their race or nationality.

Few months ago, I bought too much grapes and gave one box to two foreign workers who were painting a corner under my block. They were very happy to receive the box of grapes. I thought how nice it would be for individuals all around Singapore to start similar initiatives to distribute fruits to these foreign workers on a regular basis, because their diet is mainly rice (carbo) and meat (protein), and lacking in fruits and vegetables (fiber and vitamins). It is heartening to read about this article and I do hope that this initiative can inspire more friends to do likewise. Your act of kindness will definitely go a long way as our foreign friends will feel more appreciated of their contribution in building up Singapore.

Excerpt:
"Once a week, housewife Mahita Vas gives out fresh fruit to foreign workers she spots in and around her neighbourhood in Holland Village. She hands out the fruit, along with a "thank you", to small groups of foreign workers hard at work in the HDB estates, by the road or near construction sites.

The 53-year-old has been going on such rounds for half a year and has reached out to at least 100 workers so far from countries such as China, Bangladesh and India."

http://news.asiaone.com/…/sporeans-give-back-foreign-workers

Counting Our Blessing: Clean Air

This morning, as I walked out of the house and saw that haze situation had improved, the buildings ahead looked clear instead of blurry, I felt relief and happiness. Rewind the same scenario to barely 2 weeks ago, when I walked out of my house and saw the same scene I saw this morning, there was no relief, nor extra reasons to be happy about.

I think we have many blessings that we do not consciously realize/ appreciate until they are taken away from us and in this example, it is clean air. When the haze comes along, when we are all affected by it and more people falling sick, we start to better appreciate the days when the haze was not around. We start to realize that we have taken the days with clean air for granted.

Every now and then, we read about people complaining about the harsh reality of life, the high cost of living and the many issues faced at work, with family members and friends. I think that underneath this act of complaining, lies many blessings that we overlook and the most important of them all is health.

The recent story about a young man who lost a 2 year battle with cancer reminds us that without health, we have nothing. However, with a healthy body, everything is possible! If you are unhappy with your job, you can find a new one. If you don't earn enough, you can find ways to suppplement your income. Even if you feel that Singapore is a sucky place to live in, you can still choose to migrate to other countries. Everything is still possible for your pursuit of happiness, as long as you keep your body fit and healthy.

I started this group ("What Makes Us Happy In Singapore") earlier this year to encourage friends to share what makes them happy living in Singapore. I hope the sharing generates more appreciation of what we already have and hopefully serves as a reminder to others who have taken some of these blessings for granted. Happiness is not a milestone but rather a state of mind. If we can find contentment in the things we do and with what we have, we will be happy. This is regardless of how much we have in the bank. Cheers smile emoticon

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1553301294943067

Be The Change You Want To See In This World

This action may seem a bit crazy or bizarre but I applaud him for his efforts. While there are many things that we can't control or do not have as strong an influence on (e.g. stopping forest fires in Indonesia), there are other little things that we can do/ influence to make our world a better place. Our creativity is only limited to our imagination, if you have an idea to improve lives, spread joy or reduce some pain for another person, try it ! What is the worst that could have happen? You fail. But if you don't even try, you will definitely fail. The man in the picture may not have helped the whole Singapore clean the air but hey, at least he tried. Because of that, he wins my respect smile emoticon

Pic credit: SGAG

Reflections when Eating Lunch

This may not be some premium restaurant food but it sure makes me happy smile emoticon Beneath this $3.20 economic rice dish lies many blessings that I am thankful for; having food to eat when I am hungry, getting to choose the kind of food I want to eat, being able to pay for my food and lastly having the ability to eat and digest my food. I know with all above choices that I have, I am luckier than many fellow human being in this world. 

To be happy, learn to count your blessings, not your shortcomings or imperfections smile emoticon

Learning Lessons From My Revived Plants

This is my plant. There are 2 shades of leaves, the lighter shades on top (new leaves) and darker shades in the middle (old leaves). The darker shades represent a very gloomy period for the plant, when it was attacked by a bug, which produced some white powdery stuff, slowly engulfing the whole plant and inhibiting its growth. I knew I had to do something before the bug engulf the whole plant and cause it's demise. The plant was at the lowest point of it's life.

What I did subsequently was to cut away most of the infected leaves and spray some pesticide to get rid of the bug. A week later, it was slowly growing out some new reddish young leaves and a few weeks later, growing steadily and healthily.

You see what happened to the plant could have happened to the people around us or ourselves. We could be struck by something that cause us to sink to the lowest point of our life; it could be an illness that robs us off our physical health, a mental disorder, depression, business failure, criticism from superiors, poor performance in school, marriage problems, midlife crisis or losing direction in life. However, just like the plant which sprang back to health, there is every possibility that we can turn the situation around and rise again. This whole experience can be illustrated using the analogy of the sick plant.

Sick Plant = Friend A with issues in life

Bug slowly engulfing the plant = Issues causing Friend A to go into downward spiral

Concerned Owner sensing something is wrong = Friends/ Family around Friend A sensing that Friend A is not his usual self

Spraying pesticide = Seeking help to solve the problem together, friends/ family members providing moral support and comfort for Friend A, to tide through difficult times

Plant go back into the pink of health = Friend A recovering from major setback and grows stronger as a person

For friends facing issues in life, I wish to tell you that as long as you are still alive, you have the ability to overcome it and rise above stronger and happier than before. Don't be afraid to seek help or talk to another friend/ family member about your problem, it could lead to something much better for you. Remember, you don't have to face this alone, your family and friends will be there for you, just as how you will be there for them when they need you.

If there is really no one you can talk to, pls talk to me smile emoticon

I wish that all my friends who are experiencing a bad patch in life to have the courage and perseverance to overcome it and see the light at the end of the tunnel. The rainbow always comes after the rain, keep the faith and press on !