Making the Best Out of Comparison with Others

Why is everyone else living in EC & condos while I am stuck in my HDB flat? Why do all my friends own a car while I am still taking public transport? Why is my friend's hubby so sweet and always pampering her with gifts?

Humans love to compare, don't we? The revolution brought by smartphones and social media gives us more opportunities to do so, looking through the pics your friends shared and comparing what they have and you don't. It is perfectly fine to compare but if comparison makes you feel unhappy then you have to something about it.

I personally feel that we can make something good out of comparison with others. It should spur us to improve ourselves, achieve more and to bring more values to the people around us. We can learn through the people we compare ourselves with, because they are the perfect role models for us to reach a whole new level of excellence.

If we really can't achieve what your friends have achieved, e.g. one of your close friends is multi-millionaire, then instead of envy, be happy for him/ her for what he/ she has achieved. This is one way of shifting the focus from feeling inadequate, unhappy and dissatisfied to the positive feeling of sharing joy and wishing your friend well. I am sure you will feel happier if you think it that way.

Lastly, don't always compare with people who are better off than you. We also need to see the other side of the spectrum where there are so many people worse off than us, struggling with daily needs, like grocery, utilities bills or transport fares. These folks are very willing to swap positions with you. Happiness is a choice, that includes choosing to have positive and constructive thoughts, to lead a happy and fulfilling life.

You Reap What You Sow in Life :)

Just because you own a piece of land, doesn't mean you will harvest a good crop. A lot of effort go into the processes (ploughing the field, sowing the seeds, irrigation, monitoring, fertilisation, pest/ weed control) to get the produce you want. This principle works for many aspect of life.

Just because you have an able body, doesn't mean you will always be healthy and live to old age, especially when you don't pay attention to your diet and lifestyle. Just because you are married, doesn't mean happily-ever-after will come to you, esp. when you don't put in the effort to work on communicating and improving your relationship with your spouse. Just because you have a mind, doesn't mean you will always be happy, esp. when you don't make an effort to cultivate positive thoughts. Just because you are given a life, doesnt mean it will be a meaningful and fulfilling one.

Many things in life don't come easy, but it is usually those who put in the most effort who get the most out of it. Don't envy those who had an easier path than you, they probably wont achieve as much as you. Instead, work hard at what you wish to achieve, for there will be a greater sense of satisfaction waiting for you.

Your crop will be much beautiful than the rest because of all the effort you put into your land, just as your life will be more fulfilling and meaningful because of the hard work you put into your health, your relationships and your dreams :)smile emoticon

Be Punctual, Be Safe when we are late

I always believe that punctuality is a virtue, Punctuality is a reflection of reliability and our sense of responsibility. As much as we can, I think we should make an effort to be punctual, because the time of others is as precious as ours.

Having said the above, if you are really late, please don't risk your life running across roads, esp. when the traffic lights are not in your favor. Please don't risk injuring yourself (or others) by dashing into trains when the doors are closing. Also, don't drive at high speed and try to beat the traffic lights when you are rushing for time, this act will endanger your life and everyone else on the road.

No appointment and impressions can be more important than your life! As long as you are not a perpetual late-comer, people will be understanding and forgiving if you are late for meetings, appointments. So, the next time when you are late due to whatever reason, please remember to stay safe, because being safe is also being responsible to our loved ones and the people around us.

Reflections after reading about the young boy who ended his life

Many people think that the kids today live very good lives. They grow up with minimal hardship from poverty and seemingly have everything that they need and want. Malnutrition is a rare thing among children and most kids have gadgets and smartphones. They have also been to many countries for holidays since young, enriching their life & cultural experiences. I do agree that in terms of fulfilling their physical needs, children today are definitely more fortunate as compared to children 30 years ago.

However, I do not agree that children today do not face as many challenges as compared to children from previous generations. I believe that the next wave that is hitting all of us go beyond our physical needs, it is hurting our emotional and mental state. Children today start learning at a very young age (which is a good thing I feel) but competition creeps in subtly with learning. It seems that learning is not for the sake of gaining new insight and knowledge but for the sake of being better and faster than the other children. Because of increasing competition, parents fear that their child may lose out if they do not let their children learn as much as they possibly could squeeze into the children's schedule. Fear translate into stress and pressure for both parents and children. This results in unhappy children because they are unable to manage the stress heaped onto them at such a young age. Unhappy children become unmotivated, which in turn make parents panic and all these becomes part of a vicious cycle.

Work today is also getting increasingly challenging. Many working professionals are overloaded and the work they do today is more complicated and dynamic than before. Since most parents today are working, they are part of the same group of stressed up working professionals. So, before we drill down to how to raise happy children, we must look at the root of the problem, which is the parents. Are the parents managing all the negative emotions (stress, pressure, frustration, fatigue) at work and in life well? It is difficult to expect the parents to groom happy children when they themselves are feeling very negative about life. It is likely that the negative energy of stress, worries, unhappiness, fears, frustrations will somehow be transferred to their children and thus affecting them and making them feel negative and unhappy as well.

How can we save ourselves and our children from this social pandemic? I believe we need 4 critical elements and they are:

1. Courage
2. Hope
3. Kindness
4. Positive Energy

We must have courage to face the unknown or the worst that could happen and courage comes from having hope that things will turn out well eventually. If we don't have courage, we will be griped by fear and that spins off other negative emotions. If we don't have hope, we lose the will to keep going. How can we create courage and hope then? These two elements can be created through the positive energy we spread and the kindness we give. It is not just about we giving so others benefit, we ourselves get part of the healing energy and strength that comes from giving. I wrote about how building the kindness community and developing the kindness culture can eventually be our biggest safety net here:http://tinyurl.com/zyr7nh6

I created the kindness platform (P2P), whereby there are abundance of kindness opportunities here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1437902803105381
If you are hurt, please visit the group as there are plenty of healing energy where kindness thrives. My 4 admins are doing a fantastic job managing the group there, while I channeled my energy into writing articles that can encourage positivism and happiness.

Being an ordinary person, I am doing what I can to help stop this wave from hitting all of us, but I cannot do this all by myself. I encourage you to do your part if you can. Start off by taking good care of yourself, your physical health and emotional state. Then, spread the positive energy to the people around you. It is human nature to want to complain and make ourselves unhappy but it is possible to count our blessings and make happiness a choice and stop the negative energy outflow. Kindness will be our direction, it will go hand in hand with the positive energy and we can help one another to get through this. We can make happy adults, who will then raise happy children. Remember the 4 guiding principles, my dear friends :)

Don't Let Unfulfilled Aspirations Define Your Life

Life often don't go according to plan. Some people wish to experience love, but ended up always finding the wrong person. Some people love kids but ended up not being able to find an ideal life partner to start a family with. Some people dreamed of traveling the world, living in big houses, driving posh cars but couldn't accumulate enough wealth to fulfill these dreams. Some people found happiness but it was short-lived.

There will be hits and misses in life, but it is okay. No one lives a perfect life and everyone is bound to have some unfulfilled dreams and aspirations in this journey. What's more important is not to let these unfulfilled goals define us, making us think that our life is a bad one because we didn't achieve what we hope to achieve. Your life is not defined by what you didn't achieve, it is defined by what you have achieved. Shift the focus away from what you couldn't achieve and find all the right reasons to define your success.

I believe the reasons revolve around happiness, for a happy life is a meaningful and successful one. So, think of all the happy moments in your life and how they come about. Write them down if you can, so the next time you are hit by these "regrets" that randomly pop up in your mind, remind yourself that they are part and parcel of life and are in such a low percentage as compared to your other happy moments. Don't let what you can't control (life's events & outcomes) influence what you can control (your mindset & attitude in life).

Life is short, make it a good one :)

Live Life To Enrich Lives

Live your life in such a way that when someone mentioned your name or randomly thought of you, they would remember all the fond memories you brought into their lives, how you have helped them or enriched their lives in one way or another, how happy and proud they are to have you as a friend, a family member, a loved one.

The person who worked the hardest and give the most, often get the most out of life, while those who took shortcuts, stepped on others to rise up will neverget the great sense of satisfaction that comes with hard work and sacrifice. Respect is not earned by age or seniority but by doing something that others think they can't or wouldn't want to do, given the same circumstances. Of all achievements, the greatest comes from doing something not for ourselves but for others. It takes a person a big heart to do that and because of the people who give, there exists a powerful element called Hope. It is not just the underprivileged who needs it, all of us needs it.

Live your life to give hope, to spread joy and to bring value to the people around you. It will be a meaningful journey if you can do that, for every bit of effort you put into Life helping others, Life will reward you in ways that you never imagined or expected. Every one of us is born with our unique strength and talents, use it wisely to make your life journey an extraordinary one. Cheers :)

Tribute to My Mum

My mum used to be very strict when I was a young boy, caning was a common thing when I infringe on the house rules (and my mum had very stringent house rules). My mum was lowly educated so she never guided me on my school work. My mum's (and dad's) pay were very low so I never had tuition either. My mum tasked me to do housework from a young age and arranged for me to take up vacation jobs during the school holidays, as early as I was in primary school. In 20+ years growing up, my mum brought me only once to Thailand for a short holiday trip. My mum never gave me much as compared to my friends' mums, but without my mum, I would be less of a person I am today. 

My mum taught me kindness, that we should help people whenever we can. My mum taught me manners, graciousness and generosity. She would never visited someone in their homes without bringing a small gift. While not having much herself, she would still insist on treating friends/ relatives whenever we eat together. That really sunk into me that kinship and people relationships are all above money. My mum taught me discipline, toys must be placed back in their original position after I played with them. My mum taught me essential life skills, independence and responsibilities, through the housework, vacation jobs and managing my school work. My mum taught me to work hard for what I wish to achieve in life, she led by example by taking on 2 jobs and worked on weekend, to make ends meet. My mum taught me trust, she would just leave a bag of $2 notes and asked me to take whatever I need for my school allowance. 

My mum never gave me a lot of things I want, but she has given me all that I need to go far in life. I am thankful for everything she has not given me and everything she has given me, because who I am today is shaped by her actions. My mum never knew what I have done for PARK & P2P but I know she is proud of me as her son. While she may not read what I have written, the gratitude I have for her as my mum lives in my heart forever.

On this special day, I wish my mum and all the wonderful mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day! There is no right or wrong or dummy guide when it comes to parenting, I know you always wanted the best for your child, within your abilities and means, and sometimes doing the best you can is just what is best for your child. Thank you mummies for the love you have given to your child, be proud of your role as a guardian angel to your child and keep up the good work, cheers <3

Keep Up The Singapore Spirit and Look Out For One Another

Last evening, I saw a bunch of keys hanging by an open letter box. The owner must have been so engrossed with the letters that he/ she forgot about locking the letter box and keeping the house keys. It would be easy to say none of my business and just carry on with my stuff, because it doesn't affect me anyway. However, how would I feel if I left my bunch of house keys at the letter box and later went back to find that it was not there anymore? I would be very insecure as my unit number is there for all to see, it's like giving the key to your treasure box to a stranger. Therefore, I locked up the letter box and brought the keys back to the owner, the Indian Auntie who answered the door was very thankful and of course I felt happy to have used a few mins of my time to help someone.

Living in high rise housing where people lock up their doors most of the time, we may have lost much of the "kampoung spirit", but we should never lose our "Singapore spirit", that is to being kind and looking out for one another. Someday, we may just need someone's help and kindness. Giving kindness whenever and wherever we can will foster greater community bonding and make our society a more heartwarming place to live in. All of us can play a part in creating a better world together. It's for everyone, you, me and many generations to come. Cheers :)