Dealing with Unkind People

I like to share 2 unpleasant incidents and my thoughts on them. The first incident happened when I asked a shopkeeper on where to locate a particular product and she answered in a very impatient and rude manner. The 2nd incident happened when I was in the lift with some neighbors living in the same block. The lift door opened before the ground level and a little boy ran out. A kind man chased after him and brought him back. I thought it would be nice to move in a little so that they have space to come into the lift. I did not realize I was invading into the space of an elderly lady and she got irritated by that and started ranting at me. The mother of the boy, who knew the elderly lady, tried to explained that I did not realize her presence and the lift was crowded. That did not stop her as she continued venting her frustration until we reached ground level.

My initial reactions to both incidents were negative and defensive. An instinctive part of me wanted to get even with them because I thought that I was totally undeserving of such treatment, especially when I have done nothing wrong to them. However, in both occasions, I chose to calm myself down and move away and then move on. I feel that sometimes, the best reaction to any form of negativity is to ignore them and not try to get even. This is because by into any argument/ disputes/ quarrels with these angry folks, we are sucked into the vicious cycle of negativity. Soon, we will be hurling abuse to one another and make our day even more miserable. After that, we tend to share this unhappy experience with our friends, loved ones, and when we do so, we refresh our memory on the confrontation again, reminding ourselves of the unhappiness and making us feel angry and unhappy again. When this becomes a habit, we get sucked into another vicious cycle whenever someone did something unpleasant to us.

I feel that a better approach is to ignore these people who are unkind to us and not get into any confrontation with them. When we move away and calm ourselves down, we can better understand why some people react in a certain way. For the shopkeeper who was rude, she could be having a bad day and the weather was really hot that day so it might have contributed to her bad mood. For the elderly lady who was reacting very negatively, she could be overly concerned about protecting her health (physical) and wanted to prevent an incident from happening, e.g. me stepping on her toes. Whatever the case, not reacting to the negativity stops the negativity there, it does not evolve into something more unpleasant. Also, not reacting is not a sign of weakness or cowardice, it is sign of sensibility and maturity. We cannot control how others think or how others react, but we certainly can control how we think or react to their actions. Understanding this fact makes a world of difference.

Lastly, these 2 incidents did not affect me much because I choose not to let them affect me negatively. They did not derail my motivation to spread kindness and influence others to do good. In fact, I am more determined to do so after these incidents because it is evident that kindness is clearly lacking in some ways. If we can show more kindness to others, perhaps we will be more patient and tolerant towards others, even when we feel intruded in some ways. If we choose kindness over getting even with others, we are likely to feel happier and achieve inner peace. Don't focus on the negativity, move on, be kind and help others, you definitely will feel better than dwelling on the unhappy stuff.

We can all lead a happier life, the choice is ours.