Receiving Kindness while Chasing For Bus

It was an agonising feeling to chase after your shuttle bus (last one of the day), only to see it drive off when you are so close to reaching it. However, all is not lost when an Indian lady sitting at the bus stop, who witnessed the whole scene, made a hand gesture to the driver to inform him there is another passenger behind. She doesn't need to do that but because she cares, it helped made someone's day brighter and the community becomes a more heartwarming place with pockets of kindness like this happening all around.

Giving kindness, definitely something within our means. Making a difference, definitely something we are all capable of. We need everyone to contribute, not just a small group, to create a better world together, not just for us but for generations to come.

Dish Washing Vs. Dealing With Issues In Life

What if you find yourself with a sink full of plates, pot, pan and utensils to wash? It can be a overwhelming feeling when you think of how long you are going to stand at the kitchen sink doing dish washing. In life, we can face a similar situation, be it in studies, work or issues faced in life.

What would I do? I start with the easiest task first. I will wash the utensils first before moving on to the plates and finally the bigger cookware. The idea of starting off with the easiest task is to build momentum as we deal with our challenges. We also gain more confidence as we solve the issues one after another. Very soon, all issues will be solved, just like all dishes will be washed eventually.

For friends who feel overwhelmed with issues in life or at work/studies, remember to take one issue at a time and try to solve the easiest one first. Build good momentum as you solve one issue after another. A good start will be half the battle won. Remember, all problems can be solved, just need to focus on the solutions and not the problems. All the best !

Happy 3rd Birthday To PARK !

3 years ago on this very day (22 Sept), I started Project Act of Random Kindness - PARK. The intent was to encourage more people to give kindness, instead of shaming unkind behaviors,(e.g. not giving up reserved seats). Instead of telling people what not to do, let's show people what should be done. It is a more positive way to influence people because kindness is not given out of fear. PARK's motto is to change the world, through acts of random kindness, one at a time.

3 years on, how much of the world have we really changed? I have no answer to that but I can tell you how much my world has changed. The PARK initiative gave rise to our kindness group, PARK $2 Project (P2P), which is the platform for people who want to give kindness to be informed of the ongoing kindness opportunities and for volunteer leaders to get the support and resources for their events. I have been touched, amazed and swept away by the sheer amount of kindness shown in our group, by all the wonderful people in our community, some of whom I have the privilege to befriend. Time and time again, when tragedy strikes, the fantastic people in our group rushed forward to help, to make things better for the families / individuals affected. We are generating hope, the most powerful element we need to ease all our insecurities in an ever changing environment and unknown future. I said this many times, kindness (not tons of money) will be our biggest safety net.

The journey continues to spring more surprises for me, I set up What Makes Us Happy In Singapore? to encourage friends to share their happy moments, to spread more positive vibes around. I managed to "publish" my first ebook, "Be Kind Be Positive Be Happy" ((http://tinyurl.com/jow2s48) earlier this year, to encourage more people to embrace positivity and to choose happiness, through my writings. I handed the main duties of managing P2P to my 4 capable admins and I am now into writing motivational articles, Jason Cai's Motivational Writings, which I hope can cheer you up when you are down or remind you of the simple blessings we all have, esp when you feel so unhappy with life.

The kindness journey has enriched my life in so many other ways, the more I give, the more I am inspired and the more I received. I wouldn't think I was as positive as I was today. The journey brought me so many treasures that I wish to share with every one of you and I know I cannot tell you one shot and expect you to absorb everything. This is the reason I am writing, consistently, because over time, I am reaching out to new groups of friends, setting reminders (for myself) and hopefully changing mindsets and inspiring people to create an impact.

There is no glory in building a legacy for myself, what I truly hope to achieve is to inspire more people, especially the youth, to step forward and help make a difference, even in the smallest manner. You must believe in the immense potential that is underlying in each and every one of you. Every one of us has a part of play in shaping a better future, let's give our best and be proud of what we achieve in years to come.

Using Our Resources To Benefit the World

What if you have the best kitchen appliances but you don't know how to cook?

What if you have the world's most expensive sports car but you don't know how to drive?

The resources that we have are only as good as how well we know how to use them.

Most of us are blessed with an able body and high intellect, but have we make full use of this resource to do more and add value to our community and society? Or have we thought that it is the responsibilities of others to do so and continue to let our own resources be under-utilised? If you don't know, you can learn but don't let the "don't know" conveniently become a "don't want".

The society builds us into who we are today and the society needs us to build others and help them succeed. I cannot tell you what you should do because you know best on what you are good at. We are all different, yet we can complement one another and fill the gaps, with our unique strengths and talents.

You can be that dazzling sports car in the showroom, when you raise your value through your service to others. So, make full use of your kitchen appliances and whip the most sumptuous meal for our community. The rewards will definitely be more than what you ever expected. Cheers :)

What You Don't Feed Will Not Grow Stronger

Whatever you don't feed will not grow stronger, be it fears, worries, anger, hate, obsession as well as all your positive thoughts. You are the master of your thoughts, you make decision on what to feed, not the other way round. The thoughts don't control you.

If you have not been happy, pay attention to what you are feeding in your mind, because you could be unknowingly feeding the negative thoughts that are making you sad and unhappy. Awareness is key, followed by change. You will face resistance to break out of the old habits but it is always possible to change, one small step each time. Be good to yourself and have the courage to change for the better.

Today is the Day !

If you have not been living the life you are proud of, not achieve the things you always wanted to achieve, have been lost, aimless or going through motion, remember this:

Today is your chance of redemption, your chance of turning all the wrongs into rights. Never mind how many years you think you have wasted achieving nothing, today is your chance to start it all over again. Don't worry about not having enough time to change because no one knows where their end will come. Time is relative, if you do it right, it will be long enough.

Negative People/ Emotions - The Weeds In Your Garden

Negative people or emotions are like having weeds around your favourite plant. They share the same space, absorb the same nutrients and grow incredibly fast. They are extremely hardy and feed on the slightest food source to grow. If you do not remove them, they will soon outgrow your favourite plant, deprive all of it's food sources and cause your favourite plant to wither.

Negativity can come from the surrounding (the negative people around you) or from the self (your negative emotions), they happen right in your space (workplace, home, community, cyberspace, your thoughts). They are constantly there with you, sucking in your resources (time, energy, attention) if you allow them to grow. They feed on the happenings ongoing in our daily lives, things that make us unhappy, and snowball quickly from a small issue to a big issue. For example, negative people will always there to spread more resentment, more complaints and more unhappiness. The same goes for the negative thoughts or emotions that you harbour. After thousands of years of human evolution, the world remains a chaotic place. This is the testament that negativity is incredibly hardy and will always be around.

We can do our part by giving proper care to our own land by removing the weeds. If you do your part and make sure you remove the weeds off your land as they attempt to grow, and I do my part and everyone else around us start to take good care of their lands, then we will change the world together and make it into a beautiful garden.

Everyday is a Blessing, Make it Count !

My dear friend, as you read this text, I want you to know that the both of us are blessed to be given another day on Earth, a privilege denied to many all around the world. Because we are given this day, we have the time and opportunity to do something, to solve an issue, to make a difference, to care for our loved ones or to improve ourselves. The biggest regret is not doing something and failing, but never doing anything when we have the chance. Seize this opportunity that we have to give more love, to the people around us and also not forgetting, ourselves. No one is guaranteed of a tomorrow, so make full use of what we are given today and make it a good one, cheers :)

Be the Change, Make The First Move

Was on my way to Harbour Front MRT when I saw a young Thai couple on the bus. They were alighting at the same stop as me but were both lowering their heads to see what's on the other side. I guessed they wanted to go Vivocity but were unsure where to alight. It was already pitch black at 7 plus, when they tried to look over from the opposite stop. So I approached them and asked where they were going. Indeed, they were going Vivo and so I told them that they were alighting at the right stop. After alighting, I guided them on the directions to Vivo from the opposite bus stop. They were all smiles and very thankful.

Kindness is really about doing the little things to help someone who is need of a little assistance. I spent minimal time, zero money but it brought simple joy to the 3 of us. Why do I want to offer my help? I imagined that if the situation is reversed and I am now in Thailand, unsure of my surroundings, trying hard to figure out the place I want to go, and then someone would just appear to give a helping hand, I will definitely be so grateful and heartened.

We can talk all day about others being self-centered and unkind, the world being a harsh and cold place, but are you willing to be the change you wish to see in this world?

Fill Your Paper with Beautiful Memories

We start our lives with a piece of blank paper. For every moment, achievement or milestone we accomplish in life, we write it down on that paper. With every unhappy, angry, sad or negative experience, it goes into the paper as well.

The paper is like our mind and the things we write are our memories, good and bad. The paper is only so big, just like the mind can only store a certain amount of memories. If you keep filling the paper with good memories, there is no space for bad memories. The previous bad memories will also have to be erased to make space for the new good memories. However, revisiting the hurt, bearing grudges and holding onto hate or any negative emotions, is like bolding what you have written for your bad memories, which makes them more difficult to erase off.

Embracing positivity, giving kindness, touching lives will fill your paper with plenty of good memories. Someday, when you look back on life and look at your piece of paper, you will be proud to see that your life has been meaningful and well lived, not just because of the impact you made to the lives of others, but also the happiness and sense of satisfaction you brought into your own.

Start filling your paper with positive & happy memories now !

Grief Management Written by a Brave Mum

I did the most inhumane act to ask a mum to share how she copes with the loss of her child. My intent is for her to use her story, knowing it would be extremely difficult for her to write, to encourage parents who just suffered a loss of their child, to lend them some strength and courage to keep fighting and carry on with life. This mum, with all of her love and courage, wrote one of the most beautiful pieces that I have ever read. I hope to share this with all the parents out there. Don't be too stressed up when your kid is slow, under-performing because as long as he/ she is healthy, there is always a chance to catch up and make it far in life. Some children are destined to be late bloomers. Treasure every moment with your children, for they are God-sent angels to you, don't let work or the insecurity to earn more money rob you off the precious moments with your children. Once the moments are gone, they will not come back again.

If you have time to read this, I am sure they are worth every bit of your time:

"In early October of 2014, my husband and I welcomed our first bundle of joy into the world, baby A. Like all first time parents, we embarked on our new journey with much anticipation, hope and expectations. The transition to parenthood required countless adjustments to our daily lives, but the joy baby A shone upon us supersedes everything.

Baby A meant the world to us. Watching him grow each day was a blessing. As he grew more aware of his surroundings, he began rewarding us with smiles and laughter. We were constantly amazed by him and tickled by his antics.

Baby A was born a healthy boy, with no underlying medical conditions. During the first 6 months of his life, his developmental milestones were alike any other children. However, that changed drastically when he developed a fever at 7 months of age. This fever soon morphed into something fatal for baby A, a disease we have never heard off, Kawasaki.

Soon after, hospital stays became more of a weekly affair. And in the morning of a fateful day in June, baby A had a massive heart attack. This episode of cardiac arrest changed our lives forever. Baby A was hospital bound, spending close to 6 months in ICU. He was on life support.

The initial months were terrifying. As we watched him drift between consciousness and unconsciousness, we were extremely fearful of the uncertainty. At a certain stage, he had up to 3 to 4 life support machines hooked into his little body. Will he be able to pull through this ordeal? Will he have the strength to fight on? Our lives plunged into darkness as we prayed for a miracle.

Keeping vigil beside him and holding tight onto him, baby A soon had a turn of events. It seems that finally, we were able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. While he was still in critical condition, we were thankful for the little improvements he had made. He regained consciousness and a certain degree of his playfulness. He began to smile once more. All these achievements while being on life support is no easy feat for an adult, let alone a baby. Baby A was our brave fighter.

It was a 6 months battle against Kawasaki, a disease that destroyed his heart completely. We soon found the odds against us once more. And in the last quarter of 2015, we cradled him as he took his last breath. We watched his little body turned pale, cold and limp. We heard the deafening beep of the machines that signalled the end of life. We were nothing but helpless. As we prepared for his final journey, it strike us bitterly that this was the first time in 6 months he step foot into his own home. This roller coaster ride took the wind out of us mentally, emotional and physically. We couldn’t come to terms with what we have lost. And if we can exchange our lives for his health, we would.

“If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven, and bring you home again.” – anonymous

It’s been almost a year since baby A’s passing, and not a day had gone by without us thinking of him. It was never easy to receive a child, only to have him being taken away by God prematurely. Through time, we’ve moved from denial, to self-blamed, to anger and finally, helpless acceptance. His chapter has closed on us, not in the most desired way.

Many a times, we have asked ourselves, had we done enough? What if we did this? And what if we’ve tried harder? Could he be saved? Countless unanswered questions filtered through our minds. And in the midst of grief, we struggled with faith. Why did this happen? And why is God belting out such harsh punishment? Where did we go wrong? What did we do wrong?

“The song is ended but the melody lingers on…” - Irving Berlin.
A vase broken and re-mended can never be without visible cracks. Baby A’s memories anchored deep within our hearts, vivid as it is, the wounds are still pretty raw. Through his struggles and pain, we remembered his bravery and took comfort that he is no longer suffering. Above all, we remembered his smiles. Despite having foreign objects coming out of his body and numerous daily injections etc, baby A never gave up. His showered us with angelic smiles till the very end, and that was how much he loved us. It took us months before we came to that realization.

And this love he had for us, strengthened us to move forward. Because he had tried his best in this battle against a dreadful disease, in honour of him, we too had to try our best to pick up the broken pieces in life. It dawned on us that baby A’s brief moments with us was no coincidental. However painful, he was there for a reason, perhaps to teach us some values and to have a different perspective in life. Each memory is extremely precious and treasured.

Baby A, till we meet again. You will forever be in our hearts. We wish we had things differently, but God didn’t grant us that privilege. The pain and longing to have you with us will always be there. However, we are still blessed that you have come into our lives and we couldn’t have it any differently. And angel you are in heaven, do watch over us."

The True Spirit of Giving Kindness

When it comes to giving kindness....

1. I must have time to do volunteer work and able to commit on a regular basis.
2. I must have sufficient money to donate to the charities.
3. I am too insignificant to make a difference.

All of the above to me are just myths, when it comes to giving kindness. Kindness is all about the little things we do for others, whether they are needy/ underprivileged or not. It is like helping that stranger on the street, making his/ her day and your day brighter and happier.

Take for instance, this afternoon I saw an old frail lady trying to push a cart up a ram. She was struggling, I quickly went forward to help her push her cart up the ram, she was thankful and smiled as she thanked me, that made me happy too.

Then I went to an unfamiliar place, an Indian lady asked me for direction. I could have told her that I dont know and move on but I decided to make full use of my smartphone and data plan to find the directions for her. She thanked me and I am sure she must be heartened to know that there are fellow Singaporean friends who are willing to lend a helping hand when someone is in need.

Volunteering and helping the less privileged is one form of kindness but it is not the only form. If you cant find time to volunteer, not even on an adhoc basis, it is still okay, just look out for kindness opportunities in our daily lives. While I am a strong advocate of kindness, I will be the first to admit that I attended less than 5 volunteer events in a year. It is okay and I don't feel any hypocritical or ashamed to admit that. Giving kindness can be in many other ways, online and offline.

Regarding the part on being too small to make a difference, let's say I am going to make an donation of $1 and I feel so embarassed that I can only donate $1 so I say just forget it. If there are just 1 million of us having the same mindset, then we lost $1 million dollars worth of donation. The same goes for giving kindness. If you don't give, I don't give, because we feel that our efforts are too insignificant, then the world loses million acts of kindness everyday.

Kindness is closely correlated to happiness and generates plenty of positive energy, it eases our insecurities and restore our faith in our own people. Giving kindness is contagious, it rubs on to the people around and inspire them to give. With everyone giving just a little each, we diffuse the hate, the anger, the sadness and make our community, our world a better place. It is not just for you and me but it is for generations to come.

Spread the love, my dear friends, you are definitely capable of creating a bigger impact than you thought. Till then, be proud that you play a part in shaping a more beautiful world, cheers :)

Your Presence Is All It Matters

When someone is in distress or when a loved one is facing issues, they often don't need a great problem solver. All they need is your presence, a listening ear, to know that there is someone there for them and to tell them that everything is going to be okay.

Don't be afraid to give concerns and to care for the people around you, words of encouragement and concern can mean so much to your recipients and give them a big morale booster. Remember, you are not expected to solve their issues, you are just there to let them know that they are not all alone to face their problems. And, thank you for doing that even though you are not obliged to do it. Thank you for your kindness.

Be Positive Despite the Heavy Workload

Crazily busy morning ~ Tons of emails to clear and follow up ~ Boss ask for last minute meeting ~ Rushing for afternoon meeting ~ Colleagues calling to ask for info ~ Boss assign more workload ~ Told Boss that will be very busy but Boss said no choice ~ Customers chasing on project schedule ~ so many people breathing down my neck :(

Yet it takes only one email to remind me that I am still very much blessed. It was an out-of-office reply from a colleague to notify that she was on MC. On this day when I was swarmed by work, someone else is nursing an illness. I have health, that is more important than anything else. Without health, one cannot even achieve the simplest task.

Life just gave me many reasons to feel negative, to be stressed up, to be unhappy, to blame people for my misery and to get angry. But I can also give myself reasons to stay positive, to count my blessings and to be happy. Positive thinking is possible, it takes practice and you will get better at it over time.

Be Considerate and Responsible Even When No One is Watching

Overheard the conversation of 2 office cleaners, "This toilet very dirty one, always got urine spilled all over the place." One of the cleaner proceed to use some toilet paper to clean away the spilled urine.

I think what we do when no one is watching truly defines who we are. It may be easy to get away with inconsiderate behaviors, we can fool the world but we cannot fool ourselves. There is an audit mechanism inside us and it is called conscience, it will tell us what we did right or wrong. When one leaves a mess and expects another person to clean up for him/ her, it is a very irresponsible behavior.

If everyone can do their part to be considerate and responsible, clean up our own mess and not let others suffer because of them, then we are definitely going to see a better world.

One example is the responsibility of every household to ensure there is no stagnant water lying around, that could be breeding grounds for mosquitoes. We cannot have the "my household doesn't have pregnant ladies so I don't care" mindset, because our actions affect the others. We just need a few households to ignore their responsibilities and start breeding more mosquitoes, then the whole situation will get out of hand.

Everyone has a part to play and the power of change lies in each and every one of us.

Be Kind in Challenging Times

Expecting a baby must be one of most beautiful and happiest thing that can happen to a woman. However, knowing there's a virus out there that may threaten the baby must be one of the most worrying feeling to have for any mum-to-be.

It is in times like this that we can show kindness, help one another and make things better. We can all start by doing a check within the household for stagnant water, make sure that our household do not unknowingly become a breeding ground for mosquitoes.

If we have pregnant friends around, let's be sensitive towards their feelings. Don't spread fear or paint a very negative outlook in front of them. They have enough fears and worries to handle. Instead, comfort them by telling them that everything is going to be okay. You will be surprised to know how much reassurance your comforting words can have on them. Share with them any info that may be useful and check on them once in a while. They will definitely appreciate your kind thoughts and what you do for them.

Today, Zika affects the pregnant ladies. In future, we would not know if there would be another virus affecting another group of people. What we can do is to rise above the issue and support one another, physically or emotionally. Together, we can brave the storm and come out stronger

Be Thankful For That Person Who Is Taking Care of the Household

The toilet rolls does not replace by itself.
The bread does not grow out of the table.
The kitchen appliances do not operate by themselves.
The dinner does not come straight from the oven.
The house does not tidy on its own, so do all the cleaning, washing, ironing, they do not happen automatically.

All these take a pair of loving hands, tireless giving to the family, day after day, year after year. It could be a mother, a father, a grandparent or a nanny. Whoever they are, let's appreciate them for what they do and the love they give to the family.

If you are that person, thank you and be proud of what you do. Respect is not earned through seniority or age. Respect is earned through the way you treat others and the things you do, especially when people find it hard to emulate what you do or simply do not wish to get their hands dirty. It is often those who put in the most effort, who get the most out of life