Grief Management Written by a Brave Mum

I did the most inhumane act to ask a mum to share how she copes with the loss of her child. My intent is for her to use her story, knowing it would be extremely difficult for her to write, to encourage parents who just suffered a loss of their child, to lend them some strength and courage to keep fighting and carry on with life. This mum, with all of her love and courage, wrote one of the most beautiful pieces that I have ever read. I hope to share this with all the parents out there. Don't be too stressed up when your kid is slow, under-performing because as long as he/ she is healthy, there is always a chance to catch up and make it far in life. Some children are destined to be late bloomers. Treasure every moment with your children, for they are God-sent angels to you, don't let work or the insecurity to earn more money rob you off the precious moments with your children. Once the moments are gone, they will not come back again.

If you have time to read this, I am sure they are worth every bit of your time:

"In early October of 2014, my husband and I welcomed our first bundle of joy into the world, baby A. Like all first time parents, we embarked on our new journey with much anticipation, hope and expectations. The transition to parenthood required countless adjustments to our daily lives, but the joy baby A shone upon us supersedes everything.

Baby A meant the world to us. Watching him grow each day was a blessing. As he grew more aware of his surroundings, he began rewarding us with smiles and laughter. We were constantly amazed by him and tickled by his antics.

Baby A was born a healthy boy, with no underlying medical conditions. During the first 6 months of his life, his developmental milestones were alike any other children. However, that changed drastically when he developed a fever at 7 months of age. This fever soon morphed into something fatal for baby A, a disease we have never heard off, Kawasaki.

Soon after, hospital stays became more of a weekly affair. And in the morning of a fateful day in June, baby A had a massive heart attack. This episode of cardiac arrest changed our lives forever. Baby A was hospital bound, spending close to 6 months in ICU. He was on life support.

The initial months were terrifying. As we watched him drift between consciousness and unconsciousness, we were extremely fearful of the uncertainty. At a certain stage, he had up to 3 to 4 life support machines hooked into his little body. Will he be able to pull through this ordeal? Will he have the strength to fight on? Our lives plunged into darkness as we prayed for a miracle.

Keeping vigil beside him and holding tight onto him, baby A soon had a turn of events. It seems that finally, we were able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. While he was still in critical condition, we were thankful for the little improvements he had made. He regained consciousness and a certain degree of his playfulness. He began to smile once more. All these achievements while being on life support is no easy feat for an adult, let alone a baby. Baby A was our brave fighter.

It was a 6 months battle against Kawasaki, a disease that destroyed his heart completely. We soon found the odds against us once more. And in the last quarter of 2015, we cradled him as he took his last breath. We watched his little body turned pale, cold and limp. We heard the deafening beep of the machines that signalled the end of life. We were nothing but helpless. As we prepared for his final journey, it strike us bitterly that this was the first time in 6 months he step foot into his own home. This roller coaster ride took the wind out of us mentally, emotional and physically. We couldn’t come to terms with what we have lost. And if we can exchange our lives for his health, we would.

“If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to Heaven, and bring you home again.” – anonymous

It’s been almost a year since baby A’s passing, and not a day had gone by without us thinking of him. It was never easy to receive a child, only to have him being taken away by God prematurely. Through time, we’ve moved from denial, to self-blamed, to anger and finally, helpless acceptance. His chapter has closed on us, not in the most desired way.

Many a times, we have asked ourselves, had we done enough? What if we did this? And what if we’ve tried harder? Could he be saved? Countless unanswered questions filtered through our minds. And in the midst of grief, we struggled with faith. Why did this happen? And why is God belting out such harsh punishment? Where did we go wrong? What did we do wrong?

“The song is ended but the melody lingers on…” - Irving Berlin.
A vase broken and re-mended can never be without visible cracks. Baby A’s memories anchored deep within our hearts, vivid as it is, the wounds are still pretty raw. Through his struggles and pain, we remembered his bravery and took comfort that he is no longer suffering. Above all, we remembered his smiles. Despite having foreign objects coming out of his body and numerous daily injections etc, baby A never gave up. His showered us with angelic smiles till the very end, and that was how much he loved us. It took us months before we came to that realization.

And this love he had for us, strengthened us to move forward. Because he had tried his best in this battle against a dreadful disease, in honour of him, we too had to try our best to pick up the broken pieces in life. It dawned on us that baby A’s brief moments with us was no coincidental. However painful, he was there for a reason, perhaps to teach us some values and to have a different perspective in life. Each memory is extremely precious and treasured.

Baby A, till we meet again. You will forever be in our hearts. We wish we had things differently, but God didn’t grant us that privilege. The pain and longing to have you with us will always be there. However, we are still blessed that you have come into our lives and we couldn’t have it any differently. And angel you are in heaven, do watch over us."